When You're the Caregiver After Surgery - With No Notes, No Help, and No Guidance
Written by Sarah Parkins. Published July 21, 2025
Not everyone comes home from surgery to a clean care plan and a team of professionals checking in.
Sometimes, you're the only one keeping someone alive - monitoring medications, making food, helping them shower, changing dressings, managing appointments, all while searching the internet for the help you wish someone had given you.
You’ve never done it before. You’ve got no notes. You don’t know what to look for when it comes to post-surgery complications. You hardly sleep - instead, you lie awake listening to make sure they’re still breathing. That level of living on the edge is beyond traumatic.
Learn the Red Flags
Firstly, if you’re caring for someone post-surgery, understanding signs of surgical complications is critical. Many complications - like infection, deep vein thrombosis, respiratory issues, or internal bleeding - can escalate quickly. Not everyone receives this information clearly from their provider.
Educate yourself on signs such as unusual swelling, fever, increased or persistent pain - not necessarily at the location of the surgery, confusion, shortness or changes in breathing, extended fatigue, consciousness / unconsciousness, or bleeding.
If something feels off, trust your instinct.
Call 911 or emergency services immediately rather than waiting to “see if it passes.”
Fast action saves lives.
This post isn’t medical advice and it’s important you persist to get medical advice when you need it. Keep calling, asking for help and cross checking. You are the advocate for the person you’re caring for and you need to be their voice.
This post is a practical, grounded offering for anyone suddenly in the role of caregiver - with no map, no team, and very little rest. It’s written for the ones doing their absolute best to keep someone else alive, while quietly trying not to fall apart.
Nourishment
Cooked, soft, real food is medicine. Soups, broths, stews, steamed vegetables, tender chicken — start with what you have. Choose whole ingredients and healthy fats. Organic when possible. Minimal additives. Do your best to avoid ready-made meals, not because of perfection, but because the body needs nourishment, not just calories.
And remember: food is also emotional support.
Honor the beliefs and preferences of the person recovering - don’t push what they don’t want. If they’re only eating a few bites, let those bites feel comforting. Nourishing food is one of the simplest, clearest ways to show care.
Feed yourself, too. Not just scraps from the kitchen counter or the last of someone else's plate. Sit down. Breathe while you eat. Let food be a pause, not just a task
The Healing Environment
Clean air matters more than most people realize. Open windows when you can. If you have an air purifier, use it. A few drops of essential oils like eucalyptus or lavender can help clear and calm the space - just be sure the person you’re caring for isn’t sensitive or allergic.
Soft music, dimmed lights, and an uncluttered environment can help the body feel safe enough to rest.
But don’t assume. Music and light can soothe — or they can overwhelm. Sensitivity is often heightened after surgery or illness. If they can speak, ask. If they can’t, observe gently. The goal isn’t a perfect environment - it’s one that feels manageable, supportive, and calm for them… and for you.
Gentle Care
If it feels appropriate, consider offering gentle limb massage - soft strokes can help support circulation, reduce stiffness, and offer a small moment of human comfort. Use coconut oil and essential oil if they’re not sensitive or allergic. Notice their reactions. Some people welcome touch, others feel vulnerable or sore. Always move slowly and with care.
Keep their body comfortable and protected. That means making sure they’re warm enough, not too hot, and that their position is adjusted to relieve pressure. Propping up pillows, changing sides, elevating legs - these small physical shifts matter deeply when someone is healing.
Help with hygiene when needed - sponge baths, warm cloths for the face, brushing hair, brushing teeth can restore a sense of dignity and grounding. Keep the bedding fresh and clean, and bring in small comforts like a favorite blanket, lip balm, or a clean pair of socks or compression socks each day.
And remember: rest and sleep are not luxuries. They are the body’s deepest medicine. Protect sleep whenever possible - for them and for you. Even short naps can help restore a little clarity and strength.
Protecting the Space - Balancing Visitors
Too many visitors can overwhelm, but the right visitors can also be life-giving. Healing bodies are fragile, and emotional swings are real, so energy is limited, but connection matters deeply too.
It’s important to protect the space by setting boundaries. You might need to limit visits or gently let friends and family know this isn’t the time for long chats or unexpected drop-ins. Clear, calm communication helps everyone understand what’s needed.
At the same time, visitors who bring calm, warmth, and practical help can be a vital lifeline, breaking isolation, offering companionship, and reminding both the person healing and the caregiver that they’re not alone.
Work with the person you’re caring for - or watch their cues if they can’t speak - to find the right balance. Sometimes a brief visit with a quiet friend or a favorite family member can lift spirits in ways rest alone cannot.
And remember, it’s okay for you as the caregiver to need space too. Setting limits is not selfish - it’s necessary for both your wellbeing and theirs.
Caring for Yourself as the Caregiver
This is hard. The weight you carry is heavy, and it’s easy to forget that your well-being matters just as much. Even the smallest moments - a quiet cup of tea at a local café, a short walk outside, feeling the sun on your skin, can offer a vital breath of fresh air for your mind, body, and spirit.
Guilt may show up when you take these moments, and that’s natural. But making space for yourself is not selfish, it’s essential and life saving. It helps you recharge, stay grounded, and continue showing up fully for the person who depends on you.
You don’t have to do this perfectly. Simply doing your best is already extraordinary.
If you need support, seek it, find what aligns for you, and if you want to talk with a health coach, we are here for you.
For More Support
Birch Cove members can explore additional guidance on caregiving - especially how to care for yourself while caring for others - in the Resources section of the membership portal.
Not a member yet? Sign up here.
Disclaimer: The information and services provided by Birch Cove are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Birch Cove is not a medical provider and does not treat, cure, or prescribe for any medical conditions unless otherwise stated. Always consult your physician or qualified healthcare provider with any medical concerns. Birch Cove assumes no liability for actions taken based on the provided information or services. Product links may be affiliate links, meaning Birch Cove could receive a small commission on purchases.
