I don't feel happy...
… all of the time and I’m a-ok with that.
Why? Because I’ve been learning to get up close and personal with my own emotions for over a decade and they’re a marvelous and powerful internal navigation system to help me interpret what I’m experiencing in the world, and what’s more how to move through it.
Experiencing and noticing different emotions is also a secret business power, that few recognize - although that said, we may have let the cat out of the bag, and more are catching on about the power of intentional emotion choices in their ecosystem through our Emotional Culture Workshops.
What emotions say
Emotions tell you which direction to go in, where to put your energy, efforts, focus and attention. They act as an early warning system, showing you misalignments, guiding you what to do next, who to engage with, who not to engage with, and they help you course correct if you’ve navigated off your path.
The pursuit of happiness
In America, there is a strong cultural emphasis on the pursuit of happiness, which is deeply ingrained in society. However, it's important to acknowledge that happiness is just one aspect of human experience and to accept other emotions as well is important. A fulfilling life is one that allows for the full range of emotions, rather than only pursuing happiness at all costs.
Emotions are your own GPS, they are incredible guides to help you navigate the world and understand what is going on. Ignoring, pushing away or squashing them can cause you to miss their wise and intelligent message. It's important to allow yourself to notice your emotions, even the uncomfortable ones like anger, hate, jealousy, sadness, worry, anxiety, guilt, fear and despair. Acting on them is something different, which we cover below.
Your emotions don’t make it true
Just because you feel and identify an emotion doesn’t mean it will come true. Many people are hesitant or even fearful to admit the emotions they’re feeling. Admitting an emotion is just a moment in time as a response to something you’re experiencing or thinking. It doesn’t make it real or true. Emotions make you human and they’re a life-giving experience when you understand how to navigate them. You are feeling dozens of emotions in any given day, possibly by the minute depending on the situation - that is consistent with being human, there is nothing wrong. If you’re not a human then we might need to turn to the AI experts for help there!
Learning the language of emotions
We’re not particularly skilled at identifying our emotions, in fact Brene Brown highlights in her book “Atlas of the Heart” that most people can only identify three emotions they feel: sadness, happiness, and anger. There are a list of 87 emotions to start exploring by scenario on Brene’s website.
Emotions can be complex and multifaceted, and are often interconnected, so it is not uncommon for people to experience multiple emotions simultaneously or struggle to identify the specific emotion off the top of their head. Adding to this complexity, our vocabulary for describing emotions is often limited, making it difficult to accurately pinpoint and name emotions. This takes practice and we need help and encouragement to do it.
Psychologists will tell you, name the emotion and you tame it. Dr. Joe Dispenza explains that feelings are the physical sensations you feel in your body, like tingling in your stomach, racing heart, or sweating, and once you name what’s happening you’re identifying emotions - i.e. you may say “my heart is racing” and then say because “I’m anxious” <— there is the emotion for that particularly situation. Getting stuck with an emotion is where we can trip ourselves up and that’s when we need help to unfurl and move forward.
Unaware of our bodies
The connection between our bodies and minds is often underutilized in modern society. Many individuals have grown up relying on external sources, such as society, education, and healthcare professionals, to inform their understanding of what is right and wrong, rather than trusting their own intuition and bodily sensations. As a result, many people may lose their connection to their own physical and emotional experiences, making it difficult to understand and address their own needs. It is important to take time to reconnect with our bodies and listen to our intuition in order to improve our overall well-being.
Think, think, think: the intellectual economy
In our current society, which is often referred to as an "intellect economy," we place a great emphasis on brain power and the ability to think and analyze. This emphasis on thinking and analyzing can lead individuals to overthink, which can result in "analysis paralysis" - getting stuck and unable to make decisions or take action. This can cause individuals to spend too much time in their heads, ignoring the wisdom and intelligence that their bodies hold. Not only can this impede progress, but it can also lead to a disconnection from one's own physical and emotional experiences. It's important to find a balance between thinking and engaging the body's wisdom, in order to make well-informed decisions and lead a fulfilling life.
Experts like Anu Abraham specialize in helping individuals reconnect with their bodies and learn to understand the messages they are are experiencing. By tapping into the wisdom of the entire body, rather than relying solely on the brain and thoughts, individuals learn to lead a more vibrant, alive and intelligent life. Engaging the body in the process of navigating the world can lead to a more holistic and well-rounded understanding of the self and the surroundings.
Dr. Melissa Milanak explains how our experiences and reality stems from our emotions. What we feel we translate into emotions, which then become our thoughts, moving us into behaviors and the way we behave creates our every day experience. By spending time getting to know ourselves, understanding what we are feeling and interpreting our emotions empowers us. Marc Brackett Ph.d highlights in his article there are no bad emotions.
In a previous article “Your emotional business“ we wrote about what businesses can do to embrace emotions highlighting 6 steps to take to understand your business’ emotional culture and ecosystem. By intentionally choosing the emotions that teams and departments collectively share you reach a collaborative agreement on core emotions, behaviors and activities to support these emotions which creates major shifts in productivity, culture, and performance.
Release negative emotions
In general, you may regularly hear in conversation “negative emotions”, similarly to Marc Brackett Ph.d., we don’t believe there are negative emotions. There are just emotions giving information, neither negative or positive.
Emotions can be intense and uncomfortable, yet if we are open to identifying and acknowledging them rather than resisting or pushing against them, we create space for them to be felt and dissipate. If we resist our emotions, or ignore what they’re trying to communicate with us, they can become stronger and more ingrained. At worst we can get ourselves into hot water by acting out our emotions and generating experiences we really don’t want, leading us to feel more intense emotions and the cycle continues.
Over time learn to recognize, acknowledge, and discover ways to release your emotions in healthier ways. For example, if you are experiencing anger, discovering how to diffuse it will be far more impactful and beneficial to you and others. Holding or ignoring anger is like firmly gripping a burning iron expecting someone else to suffer. It serves no purpose other than hurting you.
Identifying your emotions
If you’re unsure how to begin identifying your emotions, start here.
Mood Meter app example report
Print off a copy of an “emotions wheel” and keep it near by. At different times during the day grab that page and pinpoint the emotion(s) you’re experiencing. This will help introduce you to, or support you becoming familiar with your own emotions.
Use the Mood Meter app. This gives you an opportunity to log your emotions throughout the day. Over time you will see the pattern of the emotions you’re experiencing. The descriptions of the emotions also help you learn more about each one, and give you the opportunity to consider staying or shifting your experience.
Remind yourself: there is no right or wrong in noticing, acknowledging and accepting emotions. Give yourself grace and allow the emotion to be there for however long it wants to linger. It’s just looking for a little attention from you.
Be well, live intentionally
Birch Cove is not a medical or therapy based business, we do not offer guarantees of any kind. We are not responsible for the well-being of businesses or individuals that read, watch, or hear our content, or take part in sessions, or use our services or the services we highlight. Individuals are responsible and accountable for their own well-being. Birch Cove and our Collective members are not responsible for the physical and mental health and well-being of individuals we interact with directly or indirectly. We work to share best practices that inspire healthy living and revitalize a quality of life.